From Break Up to Make Up

Three years ago Wendy filed for divorce. After turning his back on the Lord for so many years, Tom got back into church and the two reconciled.

Marriage in Ruins

What Makes for a Happy Marriage or relationship

People have different ideas about what makes a happy marriage or relationship. But, for many, the question is one they have not asked themselves. Or at least if they have, they don’t have a definitive answer in mind. So I think it’s worthwhile to look at how other people define a happy marriage or relationships. Please share your thoughts

Are you ready for a successful relationship

After being happily married for 32 years, Dr. Phil shares some of his thoughts about what makes a marriage work.

The quality of a relationship is a function of the extent to which it is built on a solid underlying friendship and meets the needs of the two people involved.

You get what you give. When you give better, you get better.

If you put your relationship in a win/lose situation, it will be a lose/lose situation.

Forget whether you're right or wrong. The question is: Is what you're doing working or not working?

There is no right or wrong way to fix a relationship. Find your own way that works. But recognize when it's not working and be honest when it needs fixing.

Falling in love is not the same thing as being in love. Embrace the change and know that it takes work.

You don't fix things by fixing your partner.

Intimacy is so important because it is when we let someone else enter our private world.

You don't necessarily solve problems. You learn how to manage them.

Communicate. Make sure your sentences have verbs. Remember that only 7 percent of communication is verbal. Actions and non-verbal communication speak much louder.

You teach people how to treat you. You can renegotiate the rules

THE FOUR CORNERSTONES OF A HAPPY MARRIAGE

There are very good reasons why marriage failure is such a widespread epidemic. The four cornerstones of a happy marriage represent life’s toughest tests; and they are not lessons most people are skilled at learning right off the bat in relationships. These four cornerstones that challenge all people trying to thrive in relationships are:

· Expanding unconditional love; for yourself and for your spouse and for God.

· Finding the right perspective. The woman should be a positive influence to the man's authority without pride.

· Practicing good communication. No one said it is easy but it grows with time and all it takes is trying and being considerate.

· Being God-centered. God created LOVE, only Gods can fix any broken pieces. Any attempt to change it around only last for a little while but when the storm comes, giving up is the best uption when GOD is not involved.

This article was written by Bill Cottringer

UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

The glue that holds a marriage together is unconditional love, but it is rare glue with secret ingredients that run contrary to our human nature. The secret ingredients are acceptance, understanding and tolerance of human differences, especially when they go against our sense of fundamental fairness, core values, important expectations, strong preferences, and basic ways of thinking, acting and being.

We first learn that unconditional love is real and not an imaginary myth, during the presence of children, soul mates and pets. Love is truly unconditional in these interactions; they are free and easy. This phase of unconditional love probably happens just to coax us into wanting more of it in our relationships, where there is no shortage of obstacles working against it.

Expanding your capacity for unconditional love is a lifelong quest that has to be done one experience at a time. In an odd sense, the heart’s capacity grows through hurt and bleeding. Knowing these realities makes it a little easier, but unfortunately there are no shortcuts here. This is without a doubt a marriage’s toughest test that the majority of people fail. Probably the best way to make headway is to realize the amazing unconditional love God has given to us with our life and free will. There are very few fatal conditions, mostly just temporary detours.

Sharing your most intimate desires with the one you love.

Most people are afraid to speak their minds to their partners about what they want, mostly for fear of looking like a pervert, for fear of being demanding or for fear of what ever the reason may be.
I have seen many relationships thrive because the woman tells the man what she wants, how she wants it and vice versa with affection of course. In most cases both partners love to feel like they can give something and it counts for much when you ask during intimacy and recieve.
"Honey I like it when you touch me here, or kiss me there or hold me like this or like that..." what ever term you like to use or what ever love language you like to speak.

Some people like kinky love. I think it is ok as long as it is not predominant. It is one of those things that gets tacky after so many times and can create a negative space. It is good to be open but rational.
Trying new things is fun and opens the mind not just to relationship building but also in other areas of your life.
Give it a shot and tell us at TLL what you think or if you have been doing so, kindly share some ideas. It is a great way to share intimacy with your spouse. I do not mean only sexually, even though that will be a great tool to rekindle the fire in a dying relationship.

My disclaimer will be that God is the ultimate relationship builder. He created all things even the love we so want but want to keep Him out of it. God is Love. Without Him, your relationship is like a paper in the wind wishing for good winds to toss you to the right direction.

Question of the day

Love is possible after friendship, but friendship is not possible after love. Please I need your comments

Healing a Broken Heart

It sounds trite, but there's always something you can learn from every experience. Often it's the seed of a current or past "failure" that fuels you to the very success that you've always dreamed of. Past relationships give you a clearer picture of what you want and what you don't want in a relationship if you take the time to examine them.

It's the power of contrast that living in an unfulfilling relationship may give you. A woman we'll call Connie brought her intimate relationship to an end after several years of turmoil with her partner. After the break-up, she realized what this relationship had taught her and that it wasn't a "failure."

This relationship had helped her to define the type of partner she would really resonate with--someone who was on a similar spiritual path, someone she could have a deep connection with, and someone who loved to be with groups of people.

This partner who she left wanted to always be alone with her and she liked to be with people. They also did not have the same spiritual interests which created distance between them.

She learned to bless the relationship and let it go to make room for the type of partner she wanted to be with and to free her previous partner to find a more appropriate mate.

She learned that her relationship wasn't a "failure" because of what it taught her about herself and her life- what she wanted and what she didn't want in a relationship. People come and go in our lives. Some people are with us for a brief instant, for five days or for fifty or more years. The impact of these relationships on our lives can all be great.

Sometimes we don't understand why we are involved with someone in a particular relationship or why someone has such a hold on us. We don't understand why someone comes into our life for a brief time and then leaves. What we've learned is that if a relationship isn't working out, it is not a bad thing or a failure that our society likes to label it. It just may be that you have learned what it is that you were supposed to learn by being in a relationship with that other person and it's time to move on to other "lessons."

We're not suggesting that you take your relationships lightly and throw them away at the first sign of conflict--Quite the contrary. What we are saying is that the purpose of all relationships is to help us to grow--personally and spiritually. Even the relationships that are the most troubling to us can be gifts in learning more about ourselves. So instead of looking at a relationship that didn't work out the way you had hoped as a failure, we suggest you look at it as a growth experience and move forward consciously by learning from it.

How to make a long distance relationship work - Keeping the spark alive

Making a relationship work requires sincerity, commitment and conviction, in equal measures, by both the partners, to achieve the desired success in a relationship. However in long distance relationships, an overdose of commitment and love is all it takes to keep it steady and strong. Keeping the spark alive can become an uphill task if your partner is miles away from you. For any relationship to work, communication is a necessary and most vital tool.In today's age, unlike the bygone days where communication was limited to writing letters, we have a whole array of communication tools to choose from, which are not only quick but cost-effective too.

Do you believe long distance relationship is feasible?

Older woman, younger man relationships

Living in society often places its demands on us, trying to make us conform to accepted norms of behavior and adhere to a certain code of conduct. The same expectations often extend to our relationships as well. Yet forbidden fruit is always tempting. Where once a certain behavior is treated as unacceptable, over time, views become more liberal and it becomes acceptable. Earlier, living together was frowned upon, but nobody blinks an eye any longer if you happen to be living in. An older woman dating a younger man is something that was looked on askance earlier. Now, with celebrities like Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher popularizing the older woman, younger man relationship. What is your position on dating younger men or dating younger women

My worst relationship break up

After dating this guy for a while, he sent me an e-mail saying, ‘I need to talk to you about something,’ and he asked if I could meet him right away. I told him I was at work, and he said, ‘Okay, I’ll be right there.’ I had a good idea what he was about to do, so when he texted me from outside my building and asked if he could come up, I was shocked! Dump me at my cubicle in front of my coworkers?! Instead, I met him outside. Five minutes later, I was back to work at my desk and haven’t spoken to him since. He told me he never loved me...the worst scenario is that he dumped me in the middle of a very important professional deal with one of our biggest clients. I was so down and screwed up the entire meeting. My boss is mad at me and I have been suspended. Two days ago thesame guy called apologising and wants me back. What should I do

Smart way to get her interested

The other day a lady complimented me on how good I looked (I’m not actually that good looking. It’s just that I was teasing her and the only response she would have known to feeling attraction is to be nice). What a wuss would have done is reciprocated the compliment by telling her something good about herself or he would have just said “thankyou” and let the situation fizzle down. I knew this was an opportunity to keep building her tension. I looked at her in a calm manner, said “Thank you. I always do.” and made my eyes trace down her body. I saw her shoes which were these strappy things with small heels. What I did was than told her she could at least wear better shoes to keep up with my standards, “Did you make those shoes this morning with strings and some bamboo?” She laughed, loved it, and I loved it. It was confident, appropriate, cocky, and funny.

Women are mixed up

Why do women say one thing and mean another? Women are strange sometimes. Half of what they say has exactly the opposite meaning. This is where a communication problem comes in and getting the man they really want.

Attraction is a confusing subject. Men and women often cannot explain why they are attracted to someone. Attraction isn’t a logical decision. A woman does not make the logical decision to be with a man because he is nice to her with his compliments and gifts. Women and men make emotional decisions on who they want to have relationships with. For women, they often say they like men with humor, which I believe is true, but it isn’t the whole story. A woman can say she likes a guy with a sense of humor but a good sense of humor alone isn’t enough. Ladies aren’t crawling all over comedians. What they often find attractive is a guy who is cocky and has a sense of humor. Being cocky and funny when combined with unstoppable confidence is usually enough to get a woman because this pushes all her right buttons. There really isn’t anything that can get a woman turned on faster than a cocky and funny guy.