Advice to men: listen to your girlfriend and don't say anything back. Just listen

I met my husband at a very crazy time of my life. I was 17, my parents were getting a divorce and I had nowhere to live. I met him through friends that I was staying with. He was strong, wild, and respected, your typical bad boy. I invited him to a party one night and by the next night I was living with him. He was 22.I had our first daughter, Hayley, when I was 20. Shortly after I turned 21, we went to Vegas and got hitched in the cheapest chapel we could get. That whole trip was a disaster - the night before the wedding, my fiance spent all our money at a strip club and didn't come back to the hotel until 5 am. The wedding was scheduled for 9 am. You can tell by the pictures that I didn't sleep at all. In fact, I had my first panic attack that night. But I went through with the wedding anyway (after calling the chapel six times throughout the night, canceling and rescheduling). I was pregnant again by the time we checked out of the hotel.

When I was 6 months pregnant with our 2nd daughter, Raven, about a month before our Hayley's 1st birthday, we lost everything in a house fire. After Raven was born, I developed postpartum depression. We were living far away from all my friends and family, I wasn't working, and my husband was gone almost 12 hours a day. My husband and I started fighting, and since he was a drinker, he really didn't care about my depression and anxiety. In fact, he thought I was making it all up for attention. He didn't believe in mental health problems. I started taking medication, and started biting my tongue instead of arguing. I just kept my feelings inside because it was easier than dealing with the fight. Things started to get better when we moved closer to people we knew and I wasn't so lonely.

I finally started working again, and making friends again. When I started hanging out with my friends more, my husband started to get paranoid. He would check my email, MySpace, my phone records, text messages, and go through my car and purse to see what he could find. If I was spending time with my friends, he would call me constantly. "Why aren't you with me?" When I was home, he would want to talk. But everytime I had an opinion that he didn't agree with, he would tell me how stupid it is. If I told him about something funny my friends did, he would comment on how stupid that was. If I introduced him to a new song, he just nodded and pretty much said "whatever." If I had a problem with somebody, he would threaten to beat them up. If I was mad about something, he would get madder. It got to the point that I just stopped talking to him. If I can't say anything without being insulted, why talk?

I met a guy at work. We started off as, honestly, just friends. He was the exact opposite of my husband - insightful, empathetic, accepting. He was someone I could talk to. He introduced me to new music. I could talk to him about my problems at home and he would just listen. If I wanted to cry, he would let me cry. If I mentioned that I needed something, he got it for me. No complaints, no telling me how stupid it is. He was everything my husband wasn't.

One night after being up all night (literally) fighting with my husband, I decided to move out. I wasn't getting any sleep, my kids were watching us scream and throw things constantly. It was a bad situation. I moved in with a friend, but I went home during the day to take care of the kids (I worked nights).
After a few months of being friends, my guy from work and I started talking more. We started text messaging each other, and eventually hanging out after work. The next thing I knew I was going to his house. By this time my husband and I had been separated for a few weeks, and I was seriously considering divorce. That's not what my husband wanted. He finally understood my anxiety, because he was experiencing it first-hand. He was determined to work things out. He started giving me my space, not calling me as much. He started listening. I still thought it was too little, too late. My work-guy just made me... happy. Something I hadn't felt in a long time.

My husband and I went to a concert with a friend of mine. My work-guy went to this same concert with some of his friends. I ran into the work-guy on my way to the bathroom. Seconds later my husband came out and caught us. We ended up getting kicked out of the concert. After a long night of talking, crying, and thinking, I decided that staying with him and moving away was the best thing we could do for our family.
I cheated because I needed someone to fill in the gaps my husband left. I'm still with my husband, and he's trying really hard to fill those gaps himself. Advice to married men: listen to your wife and don't say anything back. Just listen.